Child in the Snow
by Ainako
Summary: She was there for a reason; waiting for someone that will never come back. But still she waits, in the snow. Alone. Yukino POV for episode 12. R&R appreciated. FINALLY DONE!
1. Maze

Ainako : Thought I'd forgotten about this, didn'tcha?

Edited; I re-wrote this as I first wrote it in, what, 2006? I was uncertain at some point and jumbled up together some nonsense about Yukino's past. This version lacks that part now, and the only original material I included is the part about Yukino's father. Of course, my grammar is no better than I was in 2006, unfortunately. My English teacher would cry blood of disappoint.

And I don't own Yukino or GK. That one's unchanged.

* * *

_Loneliness._

She opened her eyes, and saw a white, long-bodied creature pressing its nose to her cheeks. Yes. She remembers again. Those bits and pieces of her past seem to haunt her every time she tried to sleep, even just merely closing her eyes. She had not been able to sleep at all ever since that day, that time. The truth is, she didn't want to sleep at all. So long he came home again. She sighed heavily - hopelessly – to the thoughts. She had known he won't be back. Yet she still waited, because she had promised to wait, until he came back.

She glanced to her reflection on the icy wall and saw herself sitting in front of it. So it changed its shape again, she thought to herself. She could swear she was sitting at the center of the vast cavern just a moment ago, yet the place seems to have a mind of its own, or rather, it is actually a maze of eternal spirals. After all the times she had been here, she couldn't tell which way to where. Sometimes she would find herself wandering in circles, never to sway from the previous place even though she had walked away from it. A maze with no way of escape, and she was destined to be lost here. She sighed heavily. How she would come to agree that even forever was not long enough.

Slowly, she touched the ice wall – not cold as it seems - and traced her own reflections. It was the same face even after all this times. She had never seems to grow up like she hoped to. To be woman he wished to be married with. But then, they say those who possessed the rings of light are cursed to their very existence, perhaps which is why she stayed in the same age no matter how time passed her. The white creature she had named Hisame didn't seem to change too. It must have been affected by her curse. She strokes its soft body as it made a sound as if to comfort her. It was not in her heart to tell him that it made no difference. Her sadness can't be erased. Never. She to suffer the sadness till the very end of time. Her own sin.

_Was it my fault?_

_Am I the one to be blame?_

Gently, she began to rise and tilted her head to the icy roof as a wave of nerve tickled her every senses. She had been very afraid of the sudden awareness before. How does she know? How can she ever be sure that something was about to happen? Yet somehow she had learned to embrace it. The fear that once had made her shivered till she soiled herself. Fear of death, now meaningless to her as of now. There beyond the ceiling, she saw just the same icy surfaces under her feet, yet she sensed them. Not far above.

"They are here again" she said, meant only to herself.

They. The misshapen demons that once terrorized the land. No one know where they come from, only it thirst of blood. They wrecked havoc and commit violence. She thought they were long gone during her solitude in the cavern but some time ago, the same awareness woke her up. She was afraid to look but in the end, she gathered all her scraps of bravery and flew above the ceiling. The demons, they were mercilessly taking down a huge bird until it fell to the ground with its wings broken and torn. It was carrying people in its belly but they died along with the bird. She was too late to save them. She couldn't help them. She couldn't do anything. Yet now she would not be too late again.

_Never!_

Despite her determinations, she hesitated. If she went out there, then the Iwatsumesou flowers would die. Her curse was to call upon the snow. She could never constrain the power even if she wanted to. It would be the worst if she hesitated. She would turn the whole valley to be blanketed in snow, killing the flowers.

_No more. Not anymore… I will protect them!_

She flew. Yes, she flew. The desire to take off to the sky so she could run away from the painful reality was always her childish dreams. 'Flying' was the only thing she could do almost with no flaws. She didn't posses wings yet she flew. The feelings of flying overcome her senses. She knew no word to express it. Her body seems to be getting lighter by the heartbeat. Slowly, the coldness wraps her up till she can feel no more warmth from her skin, as if she was dying right there and then. She pictures the valley of Daisetsu in her mind. Her visions blurred to pure white…

…and she was standing on top of a small hill of hard ground. The warmth in the air tells her it was already summer. In the icy cave, she couldn't tell how time goes by. It had been years, which is all she could tell. It had been years since he went and left her alone. How many years, she lost count a long time ago. She was never good with counting beyond her fingers. Not that she was any interested with numbers and letters anyway.

Chasing the thoughts away she peered across her view. There were children –a pair of them- and they were running from the demons, though slightly different from the ones she faced before, it still emits the same evil force that made her stomach curls.

_I'm afraid…_

The boy was leading them into a run for their life. Then suddenly, they paused and turned to face them. He brought his hand up, while she nocks two arrows on her bow. From afar, she gasped.

_No! They can't fight them!_

They were just children, and the demons had no mercy to even children. The flowers were trampled down...

_The Iwatsumesou flowers…_

Coldness sent shocks down to her spine was the sole sign of her curse are let loose. She couldn't control it not even by a hair. She would have burst with the overwhelming surge of iciness, yet she ignored the pain that seem to wring her heart as if it will pop out from her chest. She could feel no blood in her flesh; she could feel nothing but the pain. Her eyes ached to cry but no tears produced. She was torn; she wanted to protect the children, but to do so she would have to call upon the snow.

_The flowers would die… the butterflies too… but how can I decide?_

The coldness made her hateful - reminding her of her lost. She would sacrifice anything just to meet him again, but she owned nothing now. Nothing but the promises she made with him; to wait for his return. Oh how she would do anything to keep the promise. And she would wait, forever if needed be, until he returns. Until that, she would protect the memory of them together. She would protect. She would fight!

She opened herself to the bittersweet flow of power from the void of her heart, letting it take over her sanity. Bliss. Euphoria. She wouldn't care if she'll die from the urge to draw the power more than she could handle. She wouldn't care, so long the demons won't be harming those children. She will protect them!

She blinked, and there she stands in between the children and those demons, with her facing them. She held out a hand, a little yellow butterfly was at the brink of death, cringed wings as the result of her curse; the wretched cold.

_Poor you, little butterfly._

It must have been expecting the best of its brief life for the arrived summer.

_And I killed it. I killed them._

A gentle gust blew, taking the poor butterfly along. Only then she noticed that it wasn't summer anymore. The lush green grass and the flowers had been overtaken by the cursed white snow. Her curse.

_Just like before…_

A vicious gnarl brought her back to reality. The demons are in front of her, true, but what would she do? She was afraid. She had summoned all her courage to fight, but yet she was afraid; terrified to the very inch of herself. The last time she opened herself to the power, she brought treacherous snowstorm that seemed never to subside, and finally when it does, she found herself in the ice cave where she hides so long she remembers. The demons screeched and began to advance towards her. She was afraid, but she would fight!

Like what she did once before a long time ago, she brought up her palms to her front and suddenly the rings of light appeared. It was painful the first time she did it, but now, she couldn't feel anything. Her whole body had become numb by the surge of energy. She was one with the light, and she will protect them even if it does cost her life…


	2. A Child

Ainako: I am using the DVD version as reference, just so you guys know. And I'm hopeless with metaphors. Sorry.

I wish I can own Yukino as she had owned my sanity. I wrote nothing but her and created all my original stories with her as a main reference. But I can't so I don't.

* * *

Storm.

Numbed by the coldness, she threw all of her strength to the advancing horde of demons. The rings of light glowed softly in white - heaven and earth if compared to the turmoil trashing in her middle. Her heart seemed to be tugged mercilessly, sending jolts across her chest. Her breath came in rasping rhythm. She was dying for sure, but she must win. She will not let them lay a hand on those children. Numbed, where all she could feel was the sudden gust of cold winds blowing in her direction. Her ears as if muffled by the pressure. It was a good thing though; this way she won't be hearing those snarls, she won't be afraid. Yes! She must not be afraid if she were to fight.

_I have no time to feel fear. I can fight!_

She clamped her lips shut to suppress the dread creeping inside. She will _not_ give in to fear. Not now. Not anymore.

As if the time flowed slowly like the river in early spring, just as the demons touched her rings, a bright light emits and blinded her for a moment. She covered her eyes with her hands brought to her face. Only then she noticed that the winds had died, and her ears cleared. The turmoil halted at the same time, leaving her breathless. For a split of a second, she peeked from between her fingers and saw the same thing she had seen for what it had been so long ago. The demons are covered in ice. No. They _became_ ice! She shut her eyes almost immediately. The last time, she fainted by the sights she caused. The whole town covered in knee-thick snow. Demons stood unmoving, encased in ice. There are people too. She killed people too. What margin existed between the demons and the cursed ones?

_Demon_…

For another split of a second, she flies away from there.

_I _am_ a demon_, she sighed. _But a__t least they were safe._

When she opened her eyes again and finally viewed the whole valley, she clenched her palms tightly. It pained her heart to see what she had done. White snow covered all her eyes could reach. The flowers and the grasses are gone. _It's better than let it be trampled down,_ she told herself. _Maybe… _From where she had stood before, she could hear the ice shattered. _It was all too similar to what happened before_, she said to herself. Cursed, not even the Gods can change that fact. But the children were not harmed, at the very least.

"That girl might be the reason for this snow and defeating the Invaders" she heard one of them said. She nods to herself. The reason for this snow is her, no doubt about it. Her own curse to exist in this lifetime. But what about the demons? Why did she fight them?

"Those people hurt the Iwatsumesou flowers."

Perhaps that is the lamest reason she could ever find right then. True, if she didn't stop them, the flowers would be ruined. If it were to disappear, what else have to remind her of him, of the place where she was born? She didn't want to forget. She prayed to the Gods for her never to forget. She owned nothing but that sole memory of him; the promise she made. He is no more. There's no more need for her to wait, she knew. But her heart would ache to accept it - ached so much that she couldn't breathe, couldn't stop grieving. He never returned, so she has no more choices but to believe that he was dead, killed by the demons. Thus the demons must be fought. Her vengeance for her lost must be fulfilled. But they had not appeared ever since she was trapped inside that cave. And now, they had return to do harm again. Those who possessed the rings of light are the only one who could fight them.

"Whence is the wind's dwelling by which these flowers scatter? Tell me where and I will go there to vent my anger."

This power, she would use them to fight.

"Who are you?"

The boy asked, with the girl right beside him as they finally found where she stood. They were wearing clothes she hadn't seen before, with bright colors. All she wore was white. The kimono he had given to her as a gift long ago. Who she is? She would answer them that she is no one but one of the cursed, like she did before. But these children were one too, cursed with this power. Who she is? She is no one.

"I am myself."

Yes. She was nothing but herself. The one warmth had forgotten; the cold and lonely her. The one who doesn't even deserve a name, doesn't even deserve to exist. The one the Gods had forgotten, time had abandoned.

"Thank you. You got us out of a trouble back then" he said again, taken aback slightly by her reply.

_Was I being rude?_

"So you're a gatekeeper too?" he added.

His short hair was very unusual to her. A little boy, maybe at the age of 17, the prime time for youth as she still remembered. How old was he when he went away? She didn't remember. The man in her past sometimes as seems as old as the mountain, whiles she a mewling babe.

"Gate? I don't understand."

It sounds so foreign to her. What is there a need for another name so shameful to possess?

"You know, that floating gate of light you just used before."

"That we called a gate" the girl explained in turn, her waist-length dark brown hair swayed lightly as she spoke.

Called whatever it may, the fact that it was a blasphemy will never be changed.

"Because of this power, I had been alone. Always and always alone".

Nothing good had ever happened to her because of the power. To be not considered as human, sneered disgustedly, being thrown pebbles at, if not fist-sized stones. The cursed ones had no right to live. They were feared as God's misshapen creation. And because of what she is, she lost her everything because of it too. Those she cared, and those she loved. She gained nothing but to lose everything in her price of existence.

_All alone… for the rest of my lives. _

"Pikkyuu-!"

From a distance, she saw Hisame appeared from somewhere underneath the snow and ran pass the children - startling them - to climb up her shoulders, pressing its nose lightly on her cheeks.

"That's true, Hisame. I have you."

How could she ever forget about it? She wasn't completely alone after all. Hisame had always been with her, so she wouldn't feel lonely.

"You said that you were alone, where are your parents?" the girl asked.

Her parents… How they were doing in heaven, she always had wondered. They must have been happy, not to be hated and blamed for having her as their child. She had never hoped to be born with this power. If she had known it earlier, she wouldn't want to be born at all. That way, they would never have to suffer the shame to give birth to her. They must have been happier there in heaven. Oh how she would want to join them right then, she'd sacrifice anything. Tilting up her head to gaze the blue sky, the pretty blue heavens above, would she ever reach them someday?

_If I were a bird…_

"I wanted to become a bird. My kind, gentle thoughts of the world are betrayed."

To be a bird so she could fly up high to reach the heavens. To leave this world she didn't belong to.

"But I am not a bird, so I cannot depart"

_If I were a bird, maybe I could…_

The vast sky sparkled in lovely blue as if tempting her.

"Where is your home? We could walk you there" the girl said again. Home?

"I have no home... because I couldn't become a bird."

_Home…_

"But I can fly now. Here, there, over there, anywhere. And yet,"

Even if she could 'fly' right then, she couldn't go anywhere to escape.

"I can go nowhere."

She couldn't reach her parents. She couldn't go anywhere but nowhere.

_I_ _have no wings to fly because I am not a bird. But I can fly somehow._ She sighed.

_But_ _I have no home_.

"At any rate, we can't stay here. Those invaders would come out anytime now."

"Right, we have to find a shelter. Come with us, okay?"

They said, smiling kindly as they threaded in the thick snow, nearing her. How long has it been since she last saw anyone smiled at her? He had been smiling the day he said his goodbye before marching towards his battle. Why did he have to go and fight, while she is to stay behind and wait forever? It's not fair.

"I'll fight."

She herself was surprised those words came out from her before she could think.

"I don't want to see any more war. I will end the war myself."

She would not run anymore, she will fight. This power she had she will use them to fight, curse or no. She would not be afraid anymore.

"You'll fight, you say. But you're still a child!"

_"You are still a child! A war is no place for a child!"_

_A child… _

Again and again, the pain strike onto her chest returned as she felt the storm began to take speed in her stomach. She was a child, thus she couldn't do anything. She is _still_ a child… Through the distance, she could see a sakura tree. Bared, with no petals nor even leaves. Not even its bark was left. It had died a long time ago. Perhaps it was under that tree he had bid his farewell to her, she couldn't be sure. How long has it been since she lost everything? Too long.

_And yet I am _still_ a child… A child who could not do anything… _

Her hearts as if to shatter at that moment, shatter like the thin ice over a frozen lake if she tried to walk upon. Ice cold water enveloping her as she was pulled to the bottom, to the abyss of never ending grieves. Watching helplessly as the sunlight faded from the water's surface as she sank deeper and deeper. She is cursed. Warmth was never hers to deserve.

Outside her thoughts, she could feel the wind blew as strongly as ever. Her curse, she couldn't stop it now. Her body numbed by the heartbeat as her visions blurred to white. She closed her eyes. Cold, freezing wind brushed harshly against her skin, numbed her senses again. She pictured nothing in her mind, but she worry not of where she would end up after this. Her eyes ached. Her tears froze before it could trickle. The storm in her hearts will not cease for now…


	3. The Silence

Ainako: This part had most of my own retelling of how Yukino pasts was so I planned to delete this part since I changed my mind how I want the story to lead to but in the end I think I'd leave it alone. The real progress is in the next chapter. Proper grammar does not like me.

Let go of the imaginary world in my head, Yukino. I can see no one but you there, and I don't own you.

P/S; Was it 'wrong' of my depiction of the relation between Yukino and the man from her past is lovers? Can it be anything else? I choose to write the man as her love interest as there is one episode she said that Shun and Ruriko 'reminded her of herself' and, IDK, kinda makes me think it was love and not the brotherly one.

* * *

_There was no sound._

The girl opened her eyes and gave a disappointed sigh. She was standing in the middle of the same icy cavern again. She had not expecting she'd appear elsewhere, but a small hope inside, does. Yearning for it, yet knew how near to hopeless it is. She stroked the smooth floor as she sat and glanced at her own reflection on them. She saw the same girl she ever was again. But she had once seen a face of immense fear and loneliness. With tears streaked down her face like a river, inflaming her cheeks till it itched and flamed. Her lips bled as she chewed them in frustrations. Her eyes reddened and puffed. There she was, studying herself. Thinking how ugly can her death will be. How lonely shall it be...?

_And there was no sound, only the sickening silence._

Oh she remembered how she howled and cried. Hearing her own voice echoing through the cavern, clawing the smooth, hard walls till her nails broke and her fist bleed. She cried for names she once knew. She called for the mother she never met to rise from the grave. She howled for her dead father to come and save her. She screamed for him to prove her wrong to believe he had died on the battlefield.

She begged for the heavens to end her misery right now and then.

And yet, none answered.

_Not even the Gods..._

As she lay sprawled on the cursed cavern's floor, she wept. Tired of all the screaming and running across the vast space, looking for an impossible exit. She lay there. Her once beautiful long hair tangled and sprayed all over her head. Her pretty kimono was undone and loose. She lay there, and stared at her fingers. She couldn't move it. She couldn't get up. She wanted to lay there and wait for the Gods to finally show their mercy for her. She wept, slipping in and out of consciousness. Hunger pained her like a hole in her middle. Thirst coarsened her throat. She wanted to die...

_Yet, there was no sound. _

_Only her own weeping..._

A blessed squeaking voice came to her senses. She opened her eyes slowly as she couldn't believe it as yet. Her father had come in her hallucination. Wearing a smile he always wore, telling her to be strong and honest, just as he had said in his deathbed. Her mother had come too, in a body of no face. She stood there beside her dear father, just as she had hoped to be. _He_ came too. Only to repeat the same news he had told her. That he would be on his way along with the imperial army. Promised her a shared life when he came back...

Half in disbelieve, she saw an animal right in front of her face. It was Hisame. She had forgotten all about him with her mind all about her desperation to escape. Hisame twitched his black nose and pressed it onto her forehead. He was real, she almost laughed, had her tired state allowed her to. She strived to raise her fingers and stroke his white coat, and an unimaginable piece of strength allowed her to. Hisame felt just as she remembered him to be. Soft and warm, but most importantly, real. She wanted to cry for this tiny piece of happiness, had there was any drop of tears left from her eyes.

Hisame was her friend. Her only friend as she lived with this murderous power inside of her with everyone either fears or despises her. Hisame was injured when she first found him one spring. A bite mark inked with blood ruined his pure white fur. He was unfortunately slow in changing into his spring's earth brown coat, made him clearly visible to wolves and dogs. She watched the poor little creature beside a rock, curled and panting for his last breath. She dared to pick him up, but she was afraid if she would hurt him. She feared if she would kill him unintentionally. Before she knew it, she was cuddling the animal in between her cupped hands close to her breast, hurrying to her humble hut she lived alone since Father passed away.

She was frantic. She knew her straw slippers wouldn't last very long if she run, but she hurried nonetheless. It was not a very long way, she thought. Just a few turns over the corner of that street and over a bridge under the large Sakura tree and she's home. Even if the strings would snapped right then, she could always go bare. Not that she bothers a sharp pebble or two cutting her tender feet. But he would mind, he said.

She hated to pass through the residential area near the town, but with the frail creature tucked into her cupped palms moving even less by the moment, she was afraid if she would be taking too much time using the usual, longer path to the paddy field where she grew up. She tried her best not to meet eyes by any of the passerby's. The last thing she needed now was one of them confronting her and warned her again for the hundredth time that she may not come near their residence, or the town for the same reason. She is not to be anywhere near of them or their property. She is a demon.

From way in front of her, she noticed one of the town children that were playing at the side of a sole road to the bridge point to her calling the other's attention. The little boy started to collect pebbles and stones or sticks and threw them towards her. This happened every the time she wanted to cross this bridge. Ridiculous, she thought many times, to think that they are just there waiting for her so they would throw things at her. Don't they have anything better to do? Was it not enough that they ignored her plead when Father got sick?

Oh how her heart just wanted to shout at them with those crude words they had used on her. She went on from door to door to almost every one of them in town, pleading if they have any medicine to spare. Or even to borrow a wagon so she would carry Father herself to the healer living outskirt of town. But they ignored her, either not to bother to even open the door or shooed her away with cruel eyes. It was in a dead night of a mighty snow storm that time. The wind howled more ferociously as she cried in the middle of the empty street. She couldn't feel the cold anymore. Her aching feet and body are too distant compared to helplessness.

_There was no sound, saved herself and the wind._

Father said to forgive them, but she didn't want to. She hated them with all her heart. Father said maybe they couldn't help after all. Maybe they were afraid of the storm. Maybe they worry of their family's safety. Father was always kind. He never believed people do evil things without reasonable excuse. So she kept quiet and held his shivering hands. Frail and weak, these hands had been the same pair that raised her from birth. The same pair of hands that have worked the field under burning sun, along with that old body of his. He never complained. He never did. Even until his last breath that night, he only whispered for her to be kind to others.

They say she is a demon, cursed with the power to call the snow storm to destroy them. Maybe it was true, she thought, as the wind now roared, threatened to flatten everything it its path. She had hoped it will destroy the town and everyone living there, be it men, women or child. She hated them, yet she didn't have the heart to do it. As if by her command, the storm falls to a silent breeze, and she mourned all night….

_There was no sound but her own cries…_


	4. Stranger

Ainako: Hello, chapter 4. I never would have thought to see you here. Hope you will be better than the previous chapter. Oh but somehow for some reason I think if you skip chapter 3, you'd still get the story. Too many of my own strange original ideas there.

I have at least 3 original fictions all using Yukino as inspirations. Help me.

* * *

_Silence…_

She rose from where she was sitting and decided to take a walk. Ridiculous, she had thought of the long silent walk she took just to fill in the boredom. She remembered vaguely how close to insanity she was the first time she noticed the immense loneliness. From a slow pace it came to a frantic run, clawing her hair and pulling it out off its roots, loosing her wooden shoes. In the end, she would fall to her knees as they failed to function out of tiredness, gasping for breath that never seemed to fill her lungs ache for air. And always, she would end up where she had thrown her clogs. She had screamed in terror, eyeing the wooden clogs, lost somewhere in the cave, now lay right in front of her as if a poisonous snake, poised to bite her with its venomous fang. The thought of her running around in the vast cavern just to end up at the same place she frightened her, the endless maze that almost racked her sanity. But she managed somehow. Perhaps with Hisame constantly catching up to her as she wander around the cavern and purred under her touch reminded her that she is very well alive.

_Hisame_,

She swiveled her neck to the left and right when she awoke from her silent reminiscent to find the long-bodied creature. It had always been near, a moment or two without his presence would be very bleak, though thankfully it rarely left her side. But it wasn't there now.

_Are you lost, Hisame? _

No. It's over there, she said to herself, peering across the space. How she knew, she could never tell. She just knew it is at the far side of the peculiar cavern. But he is not alone. In a heartbeat, she 'flew' to the direction she was looking.

"Hisame"

The little ermine, perched on the boy's shoulder, raised its head as it heard her call. The tall boy, who was cheerfully being greeted by Hisame was a bit startled to see her.

_Maybe it longed to see a new face rather than my sulky one._

The boy took a step forward to reach her, but she has gone too long with no other soul to talk with her and doubt if she could be able to talk properly. Not that she ever had anyone to talk with in the first place. She was always feared and hated. _Despised_. Only Hisame served as her companion all this long inside this maze, be it he couldn't talk or understand at all. So she shifted away from his reach in that instant to the space behind him. She had never 'flown' within such a short distance before, but it seems that she's capable of it after all.

"Here, Hisame,"

Swiftly, it left its temporal perching spot and glided over the smooth floor and climbed up to hers. Hisame squeaks as if to tell her that it was fine. Or is it to ask her where she has been? Through the years Hisame had been at her side, she could never understand it at all or the doubt if it can understand anything. But Hisame is all that she has. All she got to understand.

"You haven't told me your name yet. Mine is Ukiya Shun, written as 'moment' and 'floating arrows'"

The boy starts to talk with a foreign cheer in his tone of voice. His words sounded strange somehow. She strained her ears to catch those fast speeches. Perhaps the effect of her not having anyone to talk to over the years, she agrees. All those times, she just quoting the bits and pieces of a poem she heard of long ago. She had once loved poems and songs. So did Father. 'Moment' and 'floating arrows'… she was not that smart to learn her characters. She wondered if she ever knew how those characters looks like. Her name… how did it was spelled as? Her name…

_What am I? Nothing._

"I am what I am"

She told him at last, unable to reply the same way he do. Her name means nothing to her. Nor will it have any meanings to him too, or anyone else for that matter. But she wondered, how did her name was written? Is it 'monster' like what they used to call her?

"I don't know how we got here, but it looks like we're in a weird place. It doesn't look like we're trapped in the snow…"

"Outside the flow. This place is outside the flow…"

The 'flow' hummed gently against her fingertips every time she touched the wall. Through the simple touch she had known years had passed by since she was trapped here. The 'flow' was indeed the time flow, she agreed to herself.

"Outside… the flow? You mean by a river flow or something?"

A river? No, not a river. No rivers are this constant. A heavy rain or drought should alter a river flow, but this is something different. It's always there, always with its violent but at the same time calm flow. Maybe that's why she grew fond of feeling the walls every now and then, just to make sure it's still there. It made her content, but sometimes it made her forget. She would choose to forget rather than being haunted by the same sleepless nightmare of her own past. She felt the boy's stare at her as if waiting for answer from behind. He wanted her to answer but how can she? How can she ever explain to him it is the time itself out there? She is in no place to explain. She had gone so long in silence. What there is to talk? Talking would not get her anywhere. Talking to the walls would reminded her how lonely she is. She had even grown to hate the sound of her own voice.

"I don't like to talk…"

What there is to talk about? Nothing.

"I'm sorry, but we can't stay here any longer. If there is an exit somewhere you know…"

An exit? She almost howled by the very mention of it. She had spent all her waking hours just to find an exit, all to dismay. The cave twists and bends all it likes. She had tried searching for the non-existent exit, she had truly tried. But she just couldn't. She just couldn't find it. Or perhaps she wasn't suppose to find one.

_Trapped forever…_

She heard the boy sigh and apologized for an unknown reason. Then she heard his footsteps nearing her. She started to walk away too. She was afraid of him somehow. Something about him made her feel insecure. What was is? Perhaps he is the first soul she talked to after so many years. What was it? She couldn't answer her own doubt. She picked up her pace to be away.

"Don't run away. Let's go together"

Go? Go where? She knew no exit he is looking for. She didn't want to disappoint him – telling him there is simply no where to go, but…

"We cannot go anywhere – not you, nor I. Outside is outside"

She didn't know what will happen if she really did manage to tear down these walls just to escape from here. Maybe she will die if whatever it is outside might drown her. Maybe there won't be anything behind them. Maybe it just will be the same place as this one is - an endless spread of nothingness. He had no place to go. She felt sorry for him for a moment. What did he do to deserve being trapped along with her here? Surely this is where people like her will end up. This may be the 'hell' she had heard of. Sinful person will go to hell, she was told. Monsters go to hell too. Maybe this is hell. But this boy is here too. What could it mean? Why?

"Even if that's true, I still have to go"

Why? She had told him an exit is never to be found. She wanted to ask, but the boy walked past her and continued.

"You remember that girl with the long brown hair? I call her Rurippe, but she'll get furious whenever I did. For all the tough face she had, she had been a real crybaby since she was little. That time when we played hide and seek together and we couldn't find her, she'd bawled in the closet. What a mess it was…"

Hide and seek? Is that a game? She had never played with anyone before. To be able to play so hard until you cry… it must be a nice game. Or maybe it was not. She had once just crouched behind the bushes and watched the other village children playing in laughter. They would stone her if they saw her. Laughter. She never laughs before - to voice her joy in meaningless babbles. Father had laugh, but his laugh was rare. He smiled a lot. Did he? Did Father smiled? She couldn't find the piece of memory to confirm it. It had gone missing so long ago, she cared not about it anymore. They all disappeared like the dusts.

"She's probably looking for us right now. I bet she's about to cry too. She's a handful, huh? Guess I have to go and find her again."

He turned with a smile on his face. He held out a clothed hand to her.

"Let's go together"

Had he not heard her? Had he not understand? There is nowhere to go. No escape. Where there is to go to? Why can't he just give it up?

"But even if you do find her, even if you believe you will, everyone disappears…"

There. She said it. Why would he believe he would find his friend? The fact that he is here in the cavern just proved he wouldn't find the exit. He wanted to find her? Why? The world had trapped him here with her, why would he insist on escaping? They would all be gone even if he does manage to escape. Father is still in his grave with Mother. 'He' would still be on the mountains where he died and never to return home again. The 'flow' would take them all away from him, alike what it did to her.

The boy however just smiled. Maybe he didn't believe her. Or maybe she disgusts him and putting a fake smile just to curse her later. Hisame purrs lightly from its perch on her shoulders as if he, too, felt the same. The tall boy withdraws his hand and turned to walk ahead. Hisame made a gesture as if to tell her to follow. What there is to do? She steps lightly to follow his pace. She steps lightly and cautiously.


	5. Sakura Rain

Ainako: This was written a good 2-3 years since the last chapter. It's even the shortest of them all, not counting the epilogue. I should be in the procrastinators' prison.

* * *

Silence was calming. Silence was madness. She had waited in silence for him to return. She refused to speak to anyone except with him. She refused to believe in anyone but him. He had promised her a happy life together. She trusted him. She loved him.

But he never returned.

"Say, you said before that you don't like to talk. Why is that?"

The boy asked still. He trailed behind her humming to himself before asking the same question again. The first time she pretended not to hear. Is the boy blind to see there is none else with her? Why would she talk if there's no one to talk to? The empty maze served her no one to talk to. There was only Hisame, but it cannot talk, no matter how hard she prayed it can answer to her laments. She talked to her image on the walls most of the times too. But even then, talking doesn't seem to fill her. It made her emptier. It made her hole deeper. It made her realize how pointless her words are. When you repeated the same wish over and over again, it loses its strength. Alike those line of poem she remembered still;

"When you realized the emptiness of the world, is when the sadness grows deeper and deeper."

Sadness. It bore a fissure in her heart. She prayed. She wished. But they all fade away.

"Everything disappears."

Everything.

"What do you mean 'everything disappears'?"

Everything is everything, why wouldn't he understand? She had told herself for tens and hundreds of times. Reminding herself of wanting to be free of this cruel maze and meet him again until it was all she can dream of. All she ever thought about. But…

But everything disappears.

Alike the short-lived sakura blossoms that blooms only to fall. Alike a person who lived only to die. They all disappeared. Even her precious memories.

She can only vaguely remembered the moment he offered the large palm for his. He told her something - a promise perhaps. He might have smiled. Did she smile back at him? Faint, like scent of the coming spring through the seemingly endless winter storm, as her memory of that time. She might have grieved at the very thought of him in the past, but it all fade away. He is just a memory, a dream. Lost within the rain of sakura petals.

She had waited in despair. She had waited in hatred. But she waited for him still. Alone. He no longer existed, yet she waited. He would never return, but she waited. Somewhere among her patience, the grip she latched onto the frail hope of ever seeing him again loosened and freed. The faith she built in memory of the person who she loved most fleeted away. How her Father looks like? How deep is the love of that man who promised her the world when she is merely a child? She might have hysterically tearing her hair out in frustration and fear when she failed to remember some time ago, but now it means nothing. She forgets everything.

Alike the sakura blossoms that blooms only to fall.

Everything disappears.

The people she held so dearly.

The words she shared between them.

And the very feelings she had for them.

In the end, there is only the emptiness. And she is all alone forever.

Suddenly, the long empty path they were heading is now a wall. The cave changed its shape again. The tall boy was genuinely surprised to be seeing his own reflection on the ice. She had told him but he wouldn't listen. There is nowhere to go.


	6. Dreams

Ainako: Almost there.

* * *

Sleep.

To be letting your conscious go and fall into a darkness. When was the last time she really slept, she couldn't remember. She feared of sleeping. Or perhaps it was the dreams that haunted her. Her dreams are always the same – faceless people throwing stones at her, hideous monsters chased her only to fall into a large hole to the abyss where she fall forever. She woke up drenched in her own cold sweat in the first few times she slept, only later would weep until she has no more tears to shed. But she was used to it now; if she ever found the desire to sleep at all.

Hisame cuddled onto her lap in a ball in absolute calmness. This little creature had been an object of her envy before. It was trapped in the same situation as hers, but has not a care in the world regarding it. It never wailed or wept or begged the Gods for mercy. Hisame was just there, and she was grateful that he did. Seeing him running around her feet in cheerfulness amused her a bit. It made her forget about the loneliness that's eating her from the inside. Or most importantly, it made her forget that she is to wander around aimlessly in this hell forever until she lost all memory of her distant past.

"GATE! OPEN!"

The boy had been yelling those foreign words for many times now. For what, she didn't know. Perhaps he wanted to call upon the cursed power to break down the walls. Useless, she thought. She had done that before. It only made the cave grew narrower or changed its shape to another. Though she had only tried that a few times. She doesn't like it to be filled with the torrent inside her middle, no matter how euphoric it made her. It drives her insane. No. She must not wield the power. Gently, she caressed the soft white fur of Hisame. It purred in delight.

"Ah. It's no good."

He finally gives up it seems. He backed down and sat cross-legged beside her. Heaving a sigh, he turned to her.

"Are you always here?"

Always. Always and forever. But she didn't share the thoughts with him. She didn't want to break more of his hope to be free of this hell.

"What about when you opened your gate at the mountain? How did you get there?"

How? She didn't know. One minute she sensed a presence outside the cave – a presence of someone in danger – and the next she was standing on the snowy earth. She was too late to save the people crawling out of the huge cold bird's belly though, but she was just in time for this boy and his friend. How? She just flew perhaps. But how is she to explain to this boy?

"It's important for me to know. I want to know everything about you."

Why? She is a nobody, condemned to be alone forever. What is there about her that he wanted to know when she has nothing?

He sighed when she failed to answer him. Was it in disappointment? Hisame stirred from its cuddle and climbed up to his shoulders, pressing its black nose to his cheeks, perhaps to cheer him up.

"It's okay. I will never give up, no matter what! I swear I will get the two of you out of here."

She stared at him. She had avoided to look up to him before out of insecurity, but this time, she dared to stare. In amazement, or maybe in pity. He still refused to believe her when she said there is no escape of this place, no matter how many times she told him. Why did he still try? She had tried countless of times before, only to result in despair. Oh how she would give everything in the world to be free again. But it all seems so worthless to her now. This is where she will be until she rots to her bones.

"Rurippe's waiting for me. That's why I have to get out of here, no matter what it takes!"

Oh. Of course. He still has a reason to be free. Someone is waiting for him. Her? She has nothing. Father would still be resting in the soil where she buried him. That man would still be in his war. What of her? There's only the coldness. No one's waiting for her. And she waited for nothing. She expected nothing.

Dreams. Was it a dream to see while you were sleeping? Was she in a dream still that there are so many things she is uncertain of? Dreams. She had none of it, yet she lived in a dream itself. Drifting away as time left her behind. Forgotten.

"You and your friend will soon disappear too. That's why I don't like to talk."

They would all eventually disappear. Why waste the time chasing after them; waiting for them? Time would soon take them away, and you would be alone for eternity.

"'Now' is more important to me than 'soon'."

He said with his eyes now fixed to hers. Why?

"Now, you are in front of me. And now, I am in front of you."

Why? Isn't this empty cave is hell for the hopeless like her? Why is someone as hopeful as this boy deserved to be here? No. He shouldn't suppose to exist. He should be free where he would soar to the sky. Why? Why is he here? Isn't this hell?

"Now, at this moment, you are here, I am here, and so does Hisame. We are yet to disappear. Isn't this the truth?"

He smiled. So hopeful.

But, no. He wouldn't understand. He would never understand why she lost her hope of being free again. She had lost everything held dear. She had been waiting for nothing for far too long. What is there for her to expect of the future? No. He wouldn't understand. Ever.


	7. Cage of Frozen Tears

Ainako: The dreadful haiku almost killed me. Maybe it already did.

Oh. Almost, almost there.

* * *

_I waited, waited, and waited; _

Atop of the hill overlooking the town's entrance, she stood there waiting. Hoping she would see him walking through the gate and be home again. He never did.

_I believed, believed, and continued to believe._

Maybe he would come home tomorrow, or perhaps the day after, so she told herself. He must have been on his way. Maybe his horse is too tired to carry him for so long. Maybe his path home is delayed by bad weathers. He should be home soon. Soon. I knew he will, she told herself. He said he will come home, definitely. He had promised her.

She donned the pretty white kimono with purple flower at the hem that he gave her as a present. She wore it just so to look her best when she would greet him home. She first wore it at the day he bid his temporal goodbye. He even placed a white lily on her hair because he said she looked nice with it. But she was just a child. She didn't know how to appreciate a love from another. She can only stare at him as he smiled. What was it he was saying when she took his hand when he offered his, she didn't remember.

_I will cling onto this painful life until the day you return home to me;_

How many sunsets did she had seen, and how many seasons had come and gone? Yet he never returned. How long would she have to wait? She longed for him. She wants to be near him and listen to his talk about the world she has yet to see. She wanted to see him smile. How long?

_Please do not forget me._

Countless sunsets. Countless winters. She waited for him still. She believed in him still. A child, she was just a child. Insignificant, and unimportant. Did he forget about her? Had he gone to another city and married another woman? No. He had promised he would return. She had faith in his words. If only she can remember what exactly did he say…

_The hawk calls as they head north. Their numbers lessened as they returned._

A child. She is just a child as she stared at his back when he rode away with the other men towards war. Should she stop him? Would he forget about the worthless war if she did? But she didn't, and he went on still, lost in the sea of marching men. Disappearing towards the horizon. Some of the thousands returned - either limping or piled on a pull-cart, motionless and cold. His face was never among the returned. What took him so long?

_I must pass the dwelling of the dead._

She knew, even if she was just a child. She knew what befell him that held him from coming home. He is no more. Perhaps wounded so fatally, he fell where he stood and breath his last. The snow covered him out of sight. There he died alone, with no one to bring him home. She had seen it in a dream. Or was it a dream? It seemed so real, as if she was there watching him prayed his last prayer to the Gods. She stood there half of her legs in the snow, watching. Did he ever mentioned her name in his last breath? She didn't know; she woke up as soon after. Her feet carried snow, despite the lack of it atop the hill where she waited. Was it a dream?

_Little cuckoo, please tell my love how much I missed him._

Sunsets changed to sunrises, winters melt away only to hailed again. How long had she waited? Why is she waiting still? Pointless. For all the times that she waited, she waited for nothing. She waited, only to be left alone. Forever to be chained to the faint memories of the people she loved, by the now ancient promises that it will soon be only dusts.

She wanted was to fly away. She wanted to be a bird and fly away, free.

"Of course you can, but not in this cage."

Cage. Was this endless maze a cage that's keeping her? A cage, carved out of her own tears? Her own loneliness. A frozen cage, trapping her for eternity. Had it been just her who had hold herself prisoner? Was it only because of her not wanting to face the reality that kept her so long in solitude? Hope. She needs hope. And faith.

She wanted to be free.

The ground shook at the very moment her hopes come back to her frozen heart. It took her this long to realized that this 'hell' is her own creation. A shield she built against reality. She has not the bravery to face her days alone without anyone to love, or anyone to care. Watching the sunsets for hundreds of times made her weep; yet another day passed without him by her side. How long would she waited still? No. She cannot wait. She was afraid to wait any longer. She had wished that time would freeze at where it stood so that she would never would have to wait anymore. The cage was built to protect her heart, but instead it trapped her. Time does not stand still, but instead it left her where she lost her hope. Alone.

But now she has her hope again. To see the sky and soar so high. To run across the grassy field and embrace the wind. She was afraid of the future because her past is haunting her. Those bleak, empty future that promises her nothing. Now. Now is more important than what will soon to come. To live for the moment and hopeful of the future. The frozen heart of a child she was cracked and beats again. Hope.

"It's okay. You are not alone anymore."

_I am not alone anymore…_

With a loud voice, the little boy that gave her back her hope shouted in strength. Blueish rings of light appeared above his head. This time, she let him destroy the cage that trapped her. She wasn't afraid of the future anymore, and she would be free again…

Freedom smelled so nice. She breathed in the warm air and felt the ice inside her melts away. Sunlight shines ever so brightly in the clear sky. The sound of life was deafening, but she listens still. Hope. The future is almost there welcoming in front of her.


	8. Freedom

Ainako: FINALLY!

Thank you for reading, you awesome people who watched Gatekeepers. I have wrote another AU (well, not rly a AU but something in settled in the future after GK21) for the series. But I don't know if I will share it here, or even ever to finish it since it scaled much longer than I ever had written before.

Once again, thank you. You may now find a grammar nazi to shoot me down as I had sinned so badly, someone might need a brain/eye bleach. There's some afternotes in my journal, go see if you're interested. It's nothing much rly.

* * *

The valley that was once where her home town is now a field of flowers. The Iwatsumesou flowers bloomed and decorating the earth with its pretty white petals, all as if praising life. Had anything more beautiful than this ever existed? She breathe in and can smell their sweet scent spreading across her every senses. In the midst of the breeze whispering the joy of summer in her ear, she heard a familiar sound. Hisame danced around her feet. She had kept him away from freedom for her own sake in that cage. She crouched and nudged it with the back of her palm to tell it to run, to let it roam and find its own freedom, but it refused. Hisame climbed up to her shoulders and kissed her cheeks. She thanked him for choosing to stay.

Ahead, she saw the boy and his friend rejoined. He smiled of happiness, as so does the little girl. Hisame raced towards them. She flew alongside, but stopped halfway. For some reason, she is still unwilling to face the boy again. Was it because of how he reminded her of the man she loved and lost? She turned her back to them, wanting to run. Too much time she had spent without a soul to talk to made her afraid. There is no telling either when will the power inside of her to go uncontrolled and hurt and separate them again. But she needed to thank them for the butterflies and the flowers rejoice.

"Ah but I didn't do much. But you're welcome, uh…"

"Yukino. Houjo Yukino."

She thought she had forgotten her own name amongst the loneliness, but it popped right out when the girl asked for it. Or was it really her name? She can never be sure. Her memories had failed to make sure if it was. Yukino. The snow. Befitting of someone alike her.

"The cold bird is over that canyon."

She pointed towards to where the men had crawled out of the strange bird's innards only to die right after. How can anyone ride a bird so great, not to mention riding inside its belly instead of on them like one would a horse? There were the demons then, perhaps chasing after them but she must have defeated or scared them away with her own rings of light. For the dead, she can only make them a little tomb with stones she found around the valley. She placed their belongings on top – one kept a small painting of their family, a pity their loved ones would never return home anymore – and gave a small prayer for each. It was all that she can do.

From the direction the children headed, she heard cries of her name, repeating over and over from the echoes of the valley. Thank you, the voices shouted.

_Gate; the same power as mine._

For the first time for a long time, she smiled. She would never be alone anymore.

~End~


End file.
